


Grieving in Silence

by nyanbacon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Grief, M/M, Sadstuck, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 13:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17081444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyanbacon/pseuds/nyanbacon
Summary: You’d never really known Cronus well. You knew of him, of course-- how could you not have, what with him being connected to not only your boyfriend but your brother as well.He’d always been cocky, in your eyes. Kankri said that that was just a facade he put on, and Eridan insisted that he really was nicer than he let on, but you were never really sure. Of course, after being told from Eridan’s sobbing lips that he’d killed himself, only then did you really believe what either of them said.





	Grieving in Silence

The past few weeks have really been something of an emotionless blur for you.

You’d never really known Cronus well. You knew of him, of course-- how could you not have, what with him being connected to not only your boyfriend but your brother as well. 

He’d always been cocky, in your eyes. Kankri said that that was just a facade he put on, and Eridan insisted that he really was nicer than he let on, but you were never really sure. Of course, after being told from Eridan’s sobbing lips that he’d killed himself, only then did you really believe what either of them said. 

The funeral had been grand-- nothing less for what would’ve been the heir of the Ampora corporate empire. People who really only knew Mr. Ampora had even showed up to pay their respects to a child they may have never even met. 

You, Sollux and Eridan chose to stay on the outskirts of the ballroom the post-funeral reception was held in. Eridan didn’t want to attract too much attention to himself and thus avoided people at all costs. You and Sollux stand on either side of him like a pair of bodyguards, keeping people he didn’t want to make eye contact with away. 

Occasionally, Mr. Ampora would appear in the crowd, talking to a business partner Eridan only faintly knew- he recognized them, but wouldn’t be able to tell you the names. After a while, you stopped asking. It seemed Mr. Ampora was making his way over to the three of you, but he would always get pulled aside.

Eridan said Mr. Ampora was grieving more than his exterior suggested. Part of you was surprised, but part of you- only partially believing that Cronus really had been a good man- believed him. 

Sometimes Kankri would come join the three of you. Kankri had been close to Cronus- the two had been dating for five years, fresh out of high school when Kankri finally felt comfortable to settle into a relationship. Part of you admired Kankri for finally being able to get out of what had been a tight comfort zone for so many years. Another part of you had found it disgusting that Kankri would have dated Cronus, of all people. (Obviously your perspective had changed in recent days, as people told you what a nice guy Cronus had been while they reflected on their own experiences with him.)

However, Kankri had yet to really start grieving. He’d gone quiet, for once in his life, when he’d received the news, and even become despondent in the days following. You hate to admit it to yourself, much less the people around you, but you were worried-- either because Kankri wasn’t talking, and that in and of itself was terrifying, or that Kankri wasn’t appearing to process his feelings. You weren’t an expert in the stages of grief, but if Kankri had been emotionless towards it for this long, then something must have been off.

Eridan grew stiff and tense whenever Kankri approached, and you’d reach over to wrap your fingers around his hand reassuringly. The behavior was odd, and concerning. Eridan had never had shown such standoffish behavior towards Kankri before.

It got worse when Kankri finally chose to speak to him, for the first time that week.

“This really is a grand occasion,” he says quietly, looking past you at Eridan, who shifts.

“... yeah. Dad wanted it to be special. For Cro.” 

Eridan’s accident is painfully evident and it makes your heart ache. You sometimes forget how hard this was on him. 

Kankri let out a short breath, something of a laugh, although it held no joy or fondness behind it. “Of course… Only the most grandest things were appropriate for Cronus.”

For once- for one fleeting moment- Kankri actually sounds sad. Sorrowful. His voice is laced with an emotional pain that you couldn’t quite describe or maybe even capture in its entirety. 

Your chest aches, and for once, you don’t say anything just to pick a fight with Kankri. It’s too hard to speak.

“Kankri,” Eridan suddenly says, slipping his hand out of your grip and stepping out away from the wall. Sollux looks over, somewhat surprised as he moved, and you assume the look is mirrored on your face. Eridan moves further away from you so he could stand in front of Kankri, digging his hands into the pockets of his dress slacks. 

You see the velvet box before Kankri does and your heart clenches in your chest. 

“We were….” Eridan’s voice shakes. “Goin’ through Cro’s stuff and we… found this in his nightstand.” He runs his ringed fingers over the fabric of the box before holding it out to Kankri. There is a moment’s pause before Kankri reaches out to take it, hands trembling slightly. He’s trying so hard to keep them steady. “We… believe it’s for you.”

Kankri didn’t speak to Eridan as he holds the box in his hands. His fingers hover over the lid, like he wants to open it but something is keeping him from doing so. Eventually he clasps his hands around the box and lowers them, gripping it as he looks up at Eridan. He dips his head, murmuring a soft, “thank you,” before suddenly turning and leaving faster than you’d ever seen him go.

You feel sick to your stomach.

Eridan quickly reassumes his spot against the wall and Sollux wraps his fingers around his hand, letting Eridan squeeze them. You stare after Kankri for a moment before looking at them.

“I’m gonna go…” You start, cringing at how hoarse your voice is. Eridan glances at you, before nodding slowly, and you turn and abscond faster than you’d care to admit.

You find Kankri in the bathroom. Well, find is a strong word. You know that, of all places, he probably would have gone to the bathroom to give himself a stupid ass pep talk in the mirror or something.

What you find is… surprising. And god, if your chest hurts anymore you’re going to just rip your heart out and flush it down the toilet.

Kankri is kneeled in one of the stalls, gripping the toilet seat in one hand as he stares at the bowl of sick in front of him. He hasn't been sick like this in…. Years. He’d always had a strong immune system.

Part of you knows this wasn’t that kind of sick, though.

“... Kankri,” you finally say when you can find your voice, and he looks up at you. There are tears in his eyes.

Fuck it. You’re going to cry, there’s no going back now.

You ignore the pungent smell of vomit as you crouch down next to him on the strangely clean bathroom tile, and hug him, He’s surprised, stiff at first, as he usually is, but his muscles relax after a moment and you can feel him hug you back. The fact that it’s Cronus’s hard work that Kankri is okay with you hugging him right now doesn’t escape you.

You can feel him sob when he finally does. 

“I’m… sorry,” you manage to get out, feeling him grip the velvet box as he hugs you tighter. He doesn’t say anything, and god you wish he would. 

You don’t know how long you sit there with him, but after a long while, he pulls away and rubs his eyes, trying to snuff out the evidence of his crying as fast as he can. You watch as he holds the box in shaking hands and finally, finally, opens it.

It’s a beautiful ring. Nothing less for Kankri-- you can practically hear Cronus say it in the back of your head. There’s one large diamond in the center, surrounded by spiraling pieces of gold with more diamonds embedded in each spiral. The longer you and Kankri stare at it, the more shaky Kankri’s hands get, until he suddenly slams the box shut and sobs again, covering his mouth with a hand. 

You carefully reach out and hold his hand, opening the box again to look at it. 

“... he would’ve wanted you to wear it,” you say, voice quiet. “Even if…”

He stares at it, and you worry if you said something wrong. You don’t really know what to do. You can’t imagine…

You feel his hands moving before you see them. You look down to watch him reach over with his right hand and open the box. He picks up the ring with one hand and sets the box on his knees, before slipping it onto his left ring finger delicately.

It’s a perfect fit.

“Of course,” Kankri murmured, voice shaking. “Of course he knew my ring size…”

He starts to cry again, and you don’t know if he’s going to stop. It’s okay though, you decide as you hug him and let him bury his face in the shoulder of your dress shirt.

Crying is still better than Kankri grieving in silence.


End file.
